Broken Spirit
by jibber59
Summary: To say this wasn't what he had planned for the holidays would definitely be an understatement. ATF universe. (please be forgiving of the typo's. Tried to catch them all, but typing with right arm in a cast makes for a lot more than usual!) Rating for a bit of adult language. No other warnings needed. Just the usual angst and appropriate responses.
1. Chapter 1

Ezra looked down with ill-disguised disgust at the blob of plaster encasing his right wrist. It was ugly. Even with his extensive vocabulary there was simply no other word to do it justice. Hideous, dreadful, and repulsive all applied, but really, it deserved to be called something as basic and simple as ugly.

He instinctively reached out for his glass before stopping as a spasm of pain went up his arm. Grumbling, he turned himself enough to reach across with the left to pick up the tumbler full of ginger ale, grumbling again over the fact it was far from his preferred amber coloured beverage. The pain pills, ineffective as they seemed to be, negated that option. He looked wistfully at the bar in the corner. Chris had left the bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on top, all but beckoning to him. While not his first choice it was definitely acceptable. If he listened carefully, he could swear he heard it calling his name, summoning him, seeking his attention.

"Ezra. Ezra, dammit, are you ok?"

He looked up to see Chris standing at the door to the den. "Yes Mr. Larabee. I was merely letting my mind wander."

"Just so long as it doesn't wander over to the liquor. You heard the doc."

"Yes, and more significantly based on proximity, I heard Mr. Jackson's threats as well. I am certain all of you would be most displeased if he were in fact to remove all alcohol from the house during the duration of my imposed confinement."

Chris bit back the first comment that came to mind, trying to take Ezra's pain and frustration into account.

"Nobody is trying to confine you Ezra. I doubt they could. You have to look at this realistically. The broken wrist needs to be pampered for at least the first week, or you'll end up needing surgery on it. Which means you can't use the crutches you need for that twisted knee. Cane is a help, but face it, you aren't exactly mobile at the moment. So, if you would prefer to spend the next week in the hospital instead of out here, we can take you back, but you can't go home yet."

Ezra took a long slow drink of his ginger ale, trying to convince himself it was something more satisfying. Knowing that everything Chris had said was accurate didn't make the situation any less infuriating. If anything, it made it worse.

Getting no response, Chris turned to leave, then paused when a thought occurred. "You need to cancel any arrangements? You must have had a flight booked if you were going to spend Christmas with your family."

Hoping that the pain meds had not hampered his ability to keep his reactions hidden, Ezra did his best to keep his response tone natural. "While the offer is appreciated Mr. Larabee, your services will not be needed. I had not yet finalized my plan therefore no alterations are required."

You didn't get to be a team leader in the ATF without having the knack for knowing when facts didn't add up, and the math on that sentence was way off. "Dec 22nd and you don't have anything booked? That doesn't sound like you."

"As it was impossible to ensure our last assignment would be completed, it would have been foolish to make any commitments."

"We finished that up 4 days ago."

Ezra was saved the trouble of crafting a lie when the back door opened letting in a blast of cold air that did nothing to improve Ezra's mood. "You coming cowboy? Got the horses all saddled up."

"All?"

"Yup. Even managed to get some gear onto Chaucer. Even without a rider, I figured he'd like the company and exercise."

The act was meant as a kindness, but Buck's comment served instead to slip Ezra farther into his depression, not that anyone would tell from his reaction. "I applaud the skills of whoever managed to accomplish that task. He can be a tad reticent at times."

"He's not the only one." Chris muttered. "We'll be back soon Ezra. You need anything before we leave?"

The items he would choose to list would all elicit a negative response, so he merely shook his head. Chris grinned slightly and reached into the bar fridge. He opened a fresh ginger ale and filled Ezra's glass. "it'll have to do for now."

When he heard the door latch Ezra turned in the seat as much as he could without regretting the action. He had just enough of a view to see the six riders heading out. Enough of a view to make him more than slightly resentful. If he had to be out here, away from the comforts of home and city life, at the very least he should be able to enjoy himself. That was hard enough to do at Larabee's ranch. He'd known these men barely 4 months, and as he'd been undercover on most assignments, he hadn't spent much time with them, even at work. In a social context, the total could be counted in hours, and he doubted it would add up to a day.

The six men were connected in a fashion he had never believed possible. There was a collective bonding that surpassed his understanding.

Josiah could read their moods with greater efficiency than a poker player could recognize his opponents 'tells'. It was a gift that Ezra possessed himself, so he had a feel for what that entailed. But his skill differed from that of the profiler. He studied his marks, watched their eyes, their posture. Analyzed what how they said what they said, and equally, what they didn't say. Then he came to his conclusions. It was usually a speedy process, thanks to years of honing the talent. Josiah's gift was different. With no opportunity to see him in the field, Ezra had no clue how fast the profiler was at reading a stranger. But in the office, he usually knew the minute Buck walked into the room if the previous night's liaison had been successful, or if Nathan had argued with Rain over breakfast. He knew when JD was anxious about an assignment, or when Chris was approaching one of his funks. And, he often knew all of this before the men themselves seemed aware of their states of mind. Critically, he usually seemed to either know what to say, or who to clue in to the problem, to resolve matters. Ezra couldn't help but by worried about how close the man was to chiseling through the carefully constructed wall he had built around himself over the years.

In the same way Josiah could read your mental state, Nathan had a capacity for knowing you were sick before you did. From a sniffle to pneumonia, he could feel a fever from across the room. And heaven help the agent who tried to hide an injury. Any injury. Even a simple paper-cut resulted in a bandage on your desk before you could let out the appropriate curse. But when something serious happened, he was at your side, even when it put him in the line of fire. He and Vin had both been shot a couple of months before Ezra had joined the team, and the report he read proved what he'd known to be the case. However much he might mother-hen the team, Nathan was the man you wanted near when things went wrong.

What had surprised Ezra was the care and attention he received after this stupid tumble down a short flight of stairs. A misstep on some frost covered stairs had landed him solidly on the ground without benefit of most of the steps. Embarrassment gave way to shock when he tried to right himself, and Buck's planned gibe turned into a call for help. Nathan was at his side with alarming speed, gently but unequivocally admonishing him to stay put. After cursing out the man's stupid southern pride that made him patently refuse an ambulance, Nathan seemed to have, without a word, summoned the others, who lifted him into Chris's SUV and cushioned his ride to the hospital. Throughout that, and until he was kicked out of the treatment area. Nathan never left his side. That still puzzled him. They certainly weren't friends. He didn't see any of them in that light. But he and the healer barely spoke to each other. He knew that of all the team, this man remained the most suspicious of him. That hadn't stopped him from showing a level of care that left Ezra feeling genuinely touched, as well as confused.

If Josiah and Nathan used their connectivity for good, Buck and JD covered the other end of the spectrum. Not to say they were evil, but there was a devilishly wicked humour to the duo. Ezra suspected Buck was the instigator, with JD his more than willing cohort. The two were a perfect balance and counterpoint to each other. Reading the setup, feeding the straight lines, or, on rare occasions, buffering the damage on a gag gone wrong or misconstrued. Here again though, the talent, if that was the right definer, tended to be used to shore up the team. When morale was low, or the room was tense, Buck found the valve needed to let off steam. Sometimes it was as simple as giving Chris the outlet of someone to yell at. (Although Ezra had come to the conclusion that was his own role in the team more often than not.) More often Buck would play some juvenile prank or JD would spew out some of the corniest jokes or riddles ever devised, all with the goal of easing the mood. Ezra could only imagine the comments that were about to be directed at him when he landed on the sidewalk. But he had noted Buck's shift from buffoon to protector the instant it was apparent something really was wrong. Ezra had little doubt the comments were being held in reserve for when he was out of the cast and recovered. He was less certain he would still be a part of the team by then.

Vin's role seemed to be that of peacekeeper. Not so much by any active intervention. He didn't need to. Somehow just his quiet presence, or a softly spoken word worked to diffuse, or at least mitigate a situation. And often just a word or two was all it took, which was fortunate. Ezra had rarely heard him speak more than a few sentences at a time. The team's sharpshooter's style was far less verbose than his own, but every bit as precise. In a way, Ezra envied that gift - to be able speak in a simple at straight forward manner. He had found in his own case that the more elaborate the speech, the less people seemed to actually listen. It was a wonderful way to shield oneself. Not that any of his speeches had ever had a soothing effect. Usually just the opposite. Vin could bring one of Larabee's tirades to a grinding halt with a few words, whereas Ezra had usually been the trigger for the outburst. He had watched entire conversations between the two men without a word being spoken. It was extremely frustrating to observe, although certainly a marvelous skill under any circumstance. Literally lifesaving in their line of work.

That left Chris. Larabee remained somewhat of an enigma to him. He had determined enough to be willing to play poker with him and had done so on a few occasions. But even after four months, Ezra wasn't confident of where he stood. That special link that their inscrutable leader had with the others was sorely lacking with him. He still wasn't certain if he'd been given a chance with the team because he was trusted, or if it was simply a case of his skills being valuable enough to warrant the risk. His interactions with Chris were diametrically opposed to everything he saw in the others. The easy-going camaraderie, the instinctive trust, the silent support. The brotherly bond. Ezra wasn't stupid; he knew those things took time to build. But when months had passed, and there was no suggestion of that foundation even starting, he had to conclude that Larabee would never accept him in the same way. And if Larabee didn't, there was no chance the others could.

He sighed softly, emptying his glass. Under ideal circumstances, and he couldn't begin to imagine what those would be, being fundamentally stranded here was an objectionable option. Being stranded and dependent upon others for so many activities was insufferable. But to be stranded and reliant over Christmas with a group of men who were scarcely more than strangers to him was simply intolerable.

He looked outside again. There was no sign any of them were still in sight. Knowing them, knowing how much they enjoyed their time escaping reality, he figured he had a couple of hours. A cab would be able to get here, pick him up and take him… where? Home wouldn't work. They'd be breaking down his door before he'd even settled into his favourite chair. He definitely wasn't going back to the hospital. So, a hotel. He silently thanked his mother for instilling basic survival skills in him at an early age. He still maintained a credit card under a numbered company set up solely for the purpose of giving him a way out when things got to hot. He hadn't used it in years, so even JD's skills would likely be insufficient for tracing it. At least with any speed. Once he was entrenched in the spot, they wouldn't be able to blast him clear with dynamite. He smiled for the first time since the fall, pulling his cell from his pocket and summoning his ride.

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 ** _tbc_**


	2. Chapter 2

Buck reigned Lady to a stop, waiting for the others to catch up. He looked up at the hills in the distance, freshly snow-capped. He was glad that storm hadn't come close enough to town to cause any trouble.

"Anything wrong Buck?" Chris rode up behind him, controlling Pony with no troubles but struggling to keep Chaucer in check beside him as the riderless horse tried to pull away.

"No, just enjoying the scenery."

"As much as it's nice to sit here and look at it, we should be looking at heading back. Ezra is bound to be getting restless."

"And we both know just how much trouble that can cause." Buck grinned widely.

The others had ridden up by this point, and Vin nodded knowingly. "It's not like he does it on purpose. It's just kind of the way things work with Ezra."

"I don't know," Chris countered. "I do get the feeling sometimes he likes seeing how far under my skin he can get."

Josiah had his own take on the matter. "I think he spent most of his life testing boundaries. It's the only way he knows just how much people are willing to put up with."

"That seems like a sad way to lead your life. I hope you're wrong."

"I wish I was JD, but I'm pretty sure I'm right."

They turned back towards the ranch, moving at a slower, leisurely pace for this part of the ride. The horses had been given a decent workout. They taking turns trying to control Chaucer, all with limited success. Ezra seem to be the only one who could convince that animal to bend to anyone's will. The ride was quiet for a while, each man lost in his own thoughts. It was JD who broke the silence.

"So how do we make him feel more comfortable?"

"I don't think we can, at least not in the way you're thinking." Chris had done his best to try to ease Ezra into the team, but there was a lot of baggage to deal with. They had to learn to trust Ezra as much as he needed to learn to trust anyone. He'd been cursed most of his life with rumors of questionable behavior and the related tainted reputation. There hadn't been any problems since he joined the team, at least not since the first mission when they were still feeling each other out, but the camaraderie wasn't there. And in their line of work, that could be a dangerous thing.

"Chris is right. This type of thing just takes time, and sometimes the right circumstances falling into place."

"That may well be true Josiah, but how long do we wait for those circumstances to happen?" Buck asked.

"It would help if we saw some kind of sign from him that he even wanted to be part of all of this." Nathan added.

This time it was Chris who brought the ride to a halt. "You know, I think he did make that move and I didn't even notice it."

Vin turned to face him. "What are you talkin' about?"

"It was a couple of days ago at work…"

 _Ezra knocked softly on Chris's door, a bit surprised to see it closed. Hearing mumbles from within he opened it and entered. Chris looked up in surprise from the mess of catalogs strewn across his desk. "Dammit Standish – don't you knock?"_

 _"_ _I did. I thought had been invited in, but clearly misunderstood. My apologies for the intrusion."_

 _Chris let out a sigh that nearly rattled the pictures on the wall. "No. Not your fault. I was just cursing out all of this," he waved a hand over the desk, "crap."_

 _Ezra wandered toward the desk, quickly surmising the problem. "Not in the holiday spirit?"_

 _"_ _Only holiday spirit I care about right now comes in a bottle." Chris snapped back. "This is – hell, it's a waste of time. I'm useless at this. How should I know what folks want?"_

 _"_ _I sense it is more than a simple selection difficulty that you are facing."_

 _Chris looked up and, after quick debate with himself, nodded his response. "I've never been the guy to do Christmas. But Sarah loved it. All of it. And Adam. Well –"_

 _"_ _Of course. Most all children revel in the experience."_

 _"_ _It just doesn't seem worth it anymore. With all the hassle and stress."_

 _"_ _Then don't do it."_

 _"_ _You can't opt out of Christmas Standish."_

 _Ezra shrugged. "What did you do last year?"_

 _"_ _Delegated. Most of this is for nieces and nephews. Sarah's family. I gave the parents money and told them to go nuts."_

 _"_ _And you can't repeat that action because…?"_

 _"_ _It was the second year I did it. Doubt they'd be as understanding by this point."_

 _"_ _Well, I would suggest that is their problem, not yours, but clearly you would differ."_

 _"_ _They are family. I should try to be more involved. Sarah would be pissed off, and that was never a good thing."_

 _"_ _Opinionated, was she?" Ezra smiled broadly, already discerning the answer._

 _"_ _That's one way of putting it."_

 _"_ _Might I be so bold as to suggest a compromise. Eliminate the middleman and send directly to the children. Gift cards are always appreciated, and depending on the ages, it should be fairly simple to find something appropriate. Misters Wilmington and Dunne can be quite childlike at times. Perhaps they can assist."_

 _Chris laughed loudly, something he had not expected to be doing that afternoon. "You got that right. Thanks Stand –. Thanks Ezra. I think Sarah would approve."_

 _"_ _I think your lovely wife would approve seeing you smile about Christmas." He turned to leave._

 _"_ _Uh, Ezra? What was it you came in here for?"_

 _"_ _Oh, nothing important. I believe I can resolve it on my own."_

"So," Vin's voice brought them back to the present, "you saying he went in there to solve your problem?"

"How could he even have known?" JD wondered.

Buck laughed at the question. "Hell, that's easy. He's got a sixth sense for reading people."

"He's every bit as good a profiler as I am," Josiah added, "but with his own twist on it. It's what makes him so damned good undercover."

"But why wouldn't he just flat out ask what was going on, or if he knew, offer a suggestion?"

This time Chris was the one laughing, but there was no humour in it. "Because, JD, he'd know how'd I'd have reacted. Nobody's foolish enough to subject themselves to one of my rants when I'm in that frame of mind."

"But he did take the chance." Vin corrected softly. "He walked into the line of fire, to help you out." There was something in the tone of the comment that caught Chris's attention.

"You too?"

Vin nodded. "He might not have been as worried about my anger, but he knew he was risking pissing me off."

"What did he do" Buck's curiosity was piqued.

"Not important. What matters is he took a risk that only a friend would. Don't think I really let him know that I appreciated it."

 _The others, except Chris, didn't seem to realize just how much trouble Vin still had with writing sometimes. He'd improved a lot since getting help with his dyslexia, and Chris made sure his reports got cleaned up. Still, when things were really important, he tended to freeze up and make too many mistakes. He'd been increasingly frustrated and having trouble hiding it one night when he stayed late at the office to work on some letters. He'd traced some distant family and wanted to find a way to reach out to them, but the words weren't coming easily and the mistakes amped up the stress. It would help, he thought, if Ezra would just leave so he could talk out loud while he wrote._

 _"_ _I swear to you Mr. Tanner, my penmanship has deteriorated at an appalling level since we have been forced to use these monstrosities. I know Mr. Dunne loves his technology, but I find it nothing short of heresy."_

 _"_ _Then start writing something," Vin mumbled, adding to himself 'just leave me the hell alone'."_

 _"_ _What, incoherent ramblings? No Mr. Tanner, that wouldn't do. I have, if I must say so myself, a striking script and a unique flourish. It is the style of calligraphy that should be reserved for special occasions." His voice had lowered at this point, his tone soft. "Special letters that deserve to be presented with a care equal to the thought and emotion that goes into their formation. I don't suppose you would have any such missives to prepare, that would enable me to flex my talents again?"_

 _Vin looked up and saw not a hint of judgment or pity. He didn't know how Ezra had figured things out, but obviously he had. He licked his lips nervously, hesitating. Ezra said nothing but went back to his desk and pulled out a pen and some high-quality paper. After a few moments of hesitation, Vin dictated. A little over an hour later, the letters were sealed and dropped in a mailbox outside the building. Ezra tapped his fingers to his forehead in salute and headed home._

Vin urged this horse into a slightly faster gait. The others followed without comment, all feeling the need to make the team whole. Or as close to it as they could.

"Come on, kid. You're falling behind." JD didn't hear Buck, lost in his own recollection of a chat he'd had recently.

 _He looked up from his desk, watching Ezra finish off his paperwork for the evening. He deliberately stayed late, hoping to have a chance to talk to the man. The two of them hadn't exactly had a lot of heart-to-heart chats, but JD liked the newest member of the team. And, he figured Ezra would be the best man to go to for advice in this particular case. He just wished he felt a little bit more comfortable about it._

 _"_ _Ezra, you got a minute?"_

 _"_ _I have any number of minutes Mr. Dunne. I suppose I could spare one or two for you."_

 _"_ _It's about a Christmas present."_

 _"_ _I was under the impression that we did not share Christmas presents with each other. It was not part of the team structure."_

 _"_ _Yeah, that's right. This isn't for the team. See, thing is, I'd like to get something special for Casey. Something – I don't know – romantic?" JD was so uncomfortable with the question that he had fussed and fidgeted to the point he was in danger of spinning himself into the ground._

 _"_ _Given the amount of time you have been dating her exclusively – it has been exclusive, correct?" Ezra's tone indicated he would've been less than pleased with anything other than a positive response, and JD was glad to be able to provide it. "Excellent. As I was saying, given that time, I agree a romantic gift or gesture is warranted. Now, if I may be so forward, do you have long-term intentions with the young lady?"_

 _JD hemmed and hawed again._

 _"_ _It is a simple enough question Mr. Dunne."_

 _"_ _Yeah, I do. At least I think I do. I hope so."_

 _"_ _The subject has not been discussed?"_

 _"_ _Not specifically, but I know she wants to get married at some point. I'm thinking it will be to me. Maybe that's what I could do? I could propose."_

 _"_ _I would not recommend that as a Christmas gift. New Year's eve would be far more fitting. In any case, I would venture if it is a decision you are making out of the desperation to find a gift, perhaps you are not quite at that point in your relationship."_

 _"_ _Oh – yeah – guess so. So what do I do about Christmas?"_

 _Ezra sat quietly for a minute, pondering the possibilities. "Something deeply personal, without being overly intimate. She seems to favour small jewelry, nothing too ostentatious. Perhaps a birthstone pendant. May, I believe, so Emerald. How fortuitous. With her colouring, the green with a gold chain would be quite striking."_

 _JD looked with mild suspicion at Ezra. "You haven't met her more than twice Ezra. How is it you know so much?"_

 _"_ _I pay attention Mr. Dunne. You mentioned that you had gone to a B &B on her birthday when Mr. Jackson was talking about doing the same with his betrothed. Each time I have seen Miss Wells, she is had simple but tasteful adornment. As for her colouring, as I said, I notice things."_

JD broke out of his reverie. "Wish you'd notice we're all trying to be your friend." He muttered.

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 ** _tbc_**


	3. Chapter 3

"Thanks pal. Sorry you came out for nothing, but there was a change in plans." Chris tipped the cabbie generously enough as compensation that there was no ill will. Once the cab drove off, the smile disappeared as he spun back and headed to the house. "I'm gonna kill him."

"No, you aren't." Vin smiled knowingly.

"You're right. That would be too fast."

"This can't be coming as a surprise to you, cowboy."

Transferring his glare to Buck, Chris growled. "How many times -"

"Yeah, yeah, you hate that. Sue me. Dammit Chris, slow down." Buck could see his effort to distract the charging bull weren't working. "After what we've just been talking about, you can't be planning on steamrolling over him?"

"Sure as hell can be. This wasn't just stupid, this was dangerous. He messes up that leg or wrist he could be in trouble."

This time it was Nathan blocking the path. "He doesn't know that yet. Between the pain meds and the lack of sleep-"

"Not to mention his mood," Josiah interrupted.

"-I figured it was best to not overwhelm him. Planned on reminding him of all that information the doc gave him when he was more alert. Explaining how he needs to go easy to avoid surgery will make more sense when he's able to focus."

"And it didn't occur to you to take his character into account?"

There was a somewhat chagrinned shrug. "Thought the leg would be hurting too much for him to even think about walking on it."

"Two problems with that Pard. A - he's on pain meds, and B - he's Ezra. Resisting help is instinctive to him. Even when it isn't necessary to do that."

"Especially then."

As Josiah approached from stabling the horses Chris could see the cautionary look on his face. In deference to the profiler's insights, he slowed his advance, trying to get everything, including his anger, back under control. It shouldn't have mattered the Ezra was unaware of all the details. He'd been told to stay put, and as usual, he wasn't listening. Damned stupid fool seemed incapable of following orders. Chris stopped so quickly that Nathan almost ran into him.

"I **ordered** him to stay put."

"And he ignored you. We get it. That's why you're so mad."

"No. that's why he tried to bolt."

Josiah smiled. "Figured you'd get it if you just gave yourself a minute to think."

"And if I hadn't?"

"You weren't going inside until you did - trust me."

Vin passed the stalled group. He'd seen the problem almost as quickly as Josiah had. He was more concerned right now about soothing Ezra's ruffled feathers. He was almost to the house when JD's shout rang out. "Nathan!"

Nothing else needed to be said. The healer charged forward as Vin held the door for him before falling in behind. It didn't take any deductive reasoning to know where they were headed. Rounding the corner to the den, Nathan took the few extra steps needed to be able to kneel next to the prone form. Ezra was sprawled on the floor, no more than two steps from the chair he'd been in. The first step had obviously been with his left leg. The moment he'd put his weight on the other, it failed to support him.

"He was unconscious when I came in."

"Not unconscious Mr. Dunne. Merely resting my eyes."

"That why you didn't answer and barely moved when I shouted for Nathan?"

As a quick processing confirmed for Ezra there was no acceptable answer, he chose to ignore the question. "I was hoping to replenish my libation but encountered an unanticipated level of difficulty at the task. I can only assume there are matters of which I have not yet been made aware."

"Let's hold off for a minute on that. You need to be straight with me Ez. How long have you been out?"

"Keeping in mind before you answer that we just sent your cab away." Chris made an only moderately successful attempt at holding his temper in check, His restraint faded when one of his men was hurt.

Ezra tried to sit to properly vent his outrage but the combination of light-headedness and hands forcing him back stifled the effort. He had to settle for barely contained indignation, "You had no right!"

"No, probably not." Vin answered. "But we did it anyway. Now lie still 'fore Nathan calls an ambulance."

Looking up at six surprisingly concerned faces staring back at him Ezra surrendered. There was no point in fighting. "I fell moments after placing the call. I believe my head made contact with the floor, but I think my - condition - is due more to pain and fatigue than to any new injury."

"Think you can take being moved over to the couch?" He slowly nodded his response, closing his eyes and resigning himself to the humiliating comments that were bound to follow. He tried not to react to the shivers of pain that ran through him as he was gently guided to his new resting place. When no comments came, he risked opening one eye slowly. Nathan and Chris were beside him, the others having stepped back to give him room, and some degree of privacy.

"I'm gonna monitor things for a bit. You need to swear to me you'll let me know if you start feeling worse - dizzy or faint."

"You have my assurance Mr. Jackson."

"Good. I'll get you some ice. When you've had a chance to regroup, I'll fill you in on the stuff I should have told you in the first place. Nothing to worry about, just a reminder on why you need to behave."

All conversation quieted, and Ezra could feel himself drifting off. "This is not over gentlemen. I know my place, and it isn't here."

Vin shook his head sadly, knowing Ezra was unaware he'd spoken those words aloud. "Yeah Pard, it is here. You ain't alone Ezra. Do us all good if you'd just let us help."

"You think that'll happen?"

"Can't see it yet Chris, and I've got no idea how we change that."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

"It's not like we were trying to keep things secret Ezra. The doctor told you all about taking it easy at the hospital."

Ezra had been surprised to wake up in strange locale until the overall sense of discomfort reminded him of his past 24 hours. He was equally surprised at the fact everyone else was still at the ranch. Surely they had something better to do on a Saturday night.

He tried to focus his attention on what Nathan was saying. When he thought about it, he did have a vague recollection guidelines being provided late last evening before he was finally discharged from emergency, but apparently he was in less than ideal condition to make sense of them. He supposed the shock, medication and adrenelaine factored into that.

Nathan contined. "There's no reason this shouldn't all heal up fine, but if you don't follow the rules, there could be issues."

"Long term kind of issues Ezra. You want to avoid that." Chris added.

Ezra fought back the swell of panic. Long term? As in no longer being able to do this job. He could't face that again. When he left the FBI just steps ahead of being terminated he had been at a loss concerning the rest of his life. He had no desire to go back to the shady side of life he'd experienced growing up, but his skill base hardly provided him with a variety of options. And none that he could imagine came anywhere close to satisfying him the way this career path did. The thrill and rush of going head to head with the lowlifes he faced was an excitement he could never finf anywhere else. He hated to admit how badly he needed that sensation to feel alive. To feel anything.

"Ezra, you listening?" He looked somewhat blankly at Chris. "I said you need to take care of yourself so that we can get you back on the team."

Of course. Whatever else may or may not be said, Ezra new that his uncercover expertize allowed him so sere some purpose.

"More than just work to it though Ezra." Vin seemed to be reading his thoghts. "We kinda like having you around as well."

That was harder to accept. "What I fail to be able to grasp in all of this is why?"

"Why what?"

"Why that matters. I believe I am capable of performing my duties and making the required contribution to this team without any of this surplus absurdity."

Josiah was taken aback. "You find friendship absurd?"

"Absurd, laughable, ludicrous, insincere, two-faced and artificial."

"Holy shit, Ez! Who burned you that bad?"

"I have neither the time nor inclination to provide a list Mr. Tanner."

Chris was leaning back in his seat, watching the tension build in his newest team member. He was aware of some of Ezra's professional background, and how his supposed colleagues at the FBI left him blowing in the wind. He'd had no idea the bitterness was this deep and couldn't help wondering how far back the snubs and slights started.

Ezra continued, too caught up in his diatribe to stop. "You people are a unit. A cohesive, highly functional composition of skills and natures that combine to make a unique blend of expertise, experience, understanding and kinship. I have neither the desire nor the affrontery to presume on tampering with that delicate balance."

Assuming he had finally figured out Ezra's concern, JD thought he had the answer. "I get some of what you're talking about Ezra. When I started up, the other 5 had been together about 6 or 7 months. It was kinda hard to figure out where, or even if, I was going to fit in. of course, I didn't have all that betrayal crap to deal with."

He didn't notice the flash of pain that crossed Ezra's face, unable to be completely shielded thanks to medication and fatigue. Vin saw it clearly. "You might want to look at rephrasing that kid."

JD looked at him in confusion as he played the conversation back in his end. An instant latter the look changed to one of mortification. "Damn! That wasn't how I meant it Ezra. I meant **them** double-crossing **you.** Those bastards had no right to treat you like they did. Any idiot, even at the FBI, should have figured you are way too smart to be that stupid."

It was yet another discussion he didn't want to have tonight. Or ever. "Gentlemen, I believe the matter needs no further review of comment. I am perfectly amenable to being nothing more than a co-worker, as that does seem the best way to avoid unnecessary and unwanted complications or concerns."

Figuring any notion of subtlety was done for the evening, Buck asked the question he'd been wondering about most of the day. "You want to tell us what's really bothering you?"

"I thought I had made my concerns quite clear Mr. Wilmington. I am injured, away from my natural environment, outside of my element and left with little or no control over my actions. Other than that, the outlook is ideal."

Knowing a few points had been left out, Chris decided it was time to call him on them. "Well, I won't argue that being injured can put you out of sorts, although you generally don't seem to be ready to bring that one up as an excuse. Betting you figure folks might start making a fuss over you."

Josiah shook his head. "More likely the opposite Chris. He's kind of afraid they won't."

"Apparently I should have included being psychoanalyzed amoung the afore mentioned complaints."

Ignoring the comment, Nathan added his own observation. "My take is that he hates being beholding. Owing favours isn't something you like, is it."

Ezra replied instinctively. "It isn't so much owing them as it is the requests that are often made when it comes for recompense." Damn. He needed to get away from this before things got any worse.

"And the consequences of not caving into that?" Ezra nodded slightly. He wasn't sure how the conversation had slipped so far from his control.

"You really think any of us would put you in that position?" Buck wasn't happy with the inference. "Ask you to compromise your principles?"

"What a novel concept. Assuming I have principles."

"You wouldn't have been asked on the team otherwise."

Ezra was done. Trapped as he was, he could see no way to avoid any of this, and he feared things would only deteriorate as the weekend unfolded. "If I may return to the start of this discussion, I have ne desire to impose on your hospitality for the extended period my recuperation seems to demand. I am sure there are facilities in the area that cater to the needs of those recovering from injury, and I will arrange to relocate there first thing in the morning."

Chris's tone left no room for quarrelling. "in the first place, you are not being a burden on anyone. And you don't need to stay out here for the whole time that cast is on. Just for the first few days until that leg can support you enough to keep you from landing on your ass again."

"Tomorrow is Sunday. You won't be able to set anything up, and given it's Christmas eve after that, I imagine there won't be many places ready to check you in for a bit."

"Josiah's right Pard. By the time you find something, you' be ready to go home. So why fight it?"

"Certainly you had more interesting and festive plans for the holiday than bring nursemaid due to my clumsiness."

What was it going to take to get Ezra to ease up on himself, Buck wondered. "Accidents happen Hoss, and they have no regard for the calendar."

"As for plans," Chris added, "look around. You see much decoration here. Christmas ain't that big a deal for me." He didn't need to elaborate.

Buck's face fell a bit as well, recalling the holidays he'd shared with Chris, Sara and an extremely enthusiastic Adam. The past few years had been much quieter.

JD was quiet but Buck knew the kid didn't have anything special lined up, having had to postpone holiday time with Casey since she and her Aunt Nettie were going to be off visiting family. He had confided that the holiday didn't seem as important without his mother to share it with anymore. Nettie's absence meant Vin's surrogate family was away as well.

"Well. Rain is doing a double shift at the hospital. So my day isn't going to be much either." Nathan admitted. "Guess you're the only one with something planned Josiah."

"Gee, wonder if we could figure that out. Christmas dinner for the homeless."

"The shelter caters to a broader audience JD. Not just homeless, but anyone who can't afford a meal, or just doesn't want to be alone. You'd be surprised how many show up. But I won't be there. Going to help with set up on the 24th, but they are loaded with volunteers on Christmas."

They all quieted, thinking about the solitary nature of their plans. Ezra had the uneasy feeling he knew how things would unfold, and feared he was left with no choice but to be trapped in the middle.

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 ** _tbc_**


	4. Chapter 4

"We appear to have been abandoned." Nathan looked up from his laptop at the sound of Ezra's voice. Either he had been to focused on his task or, after just a weekend, Ezra was getting much better at moving around with the cane. He hoped it was the former, as a mobile Ezra could make life a little too interesting.

"Sit down. You are supposed to be taking it easy."

"The twenty steps from the den to here was hardly a marathon Mr. Jackson." The fact that he felt as exhausted as if it had been was a detail he didn't intend to share. Given the fact he had slept through most of Sunday, just as he had on Saturday, he didn't feel he had any right to still feel this tired.

"Your body is healing Ezra. That's gonna drain you for the next little while."

Damn. He must be tired if he could be so easily read. Nathan looked back down at his computer, unaware his routine comment had bothered his colleague. "To answer you, Chris, Buck snd Vin went into the offive to polish off a few things. JD is seeing Casey and Nettie to the train, and Josiah is at the shelter helping to set things up. All be back here later."

"All? Why?"

"We figured on spending Christmas Eve here. Figured Chris could do with as much distraction as we could cause." They had discussed it while Ezra had slept and while Chris was feeding the horses. Leaving a cranky patient alone with their melancholy leader might result in actions that would be seriously detrimental to the team, not to mention to the men in question. They decided that by playing off on the circumstances they could use each man's condition as an excuse to arrange for a full house over the holiday. Vin expected they would both see through the ploy but hoped there would be enough holiday spirit to pretend otherwise. Chris had acquiesced more quickly than expected. Ezra had less choice in the matter, but if he didn't play along, it could make for a tense couple of days.

"Understandable. I cannot even imagine how difficult a time of year this must be for him."

Nathan glanced up. "Guess it is for a lot of folks, being alone and all. Easy to forget that with everything going on."

Ezra waved off Nathan's clear intent to rise and offer a hand. "Thank you. Sitting is one action I am able to handle on my own."

"What about a coffee?"

"Whenever you plan on fixing one for yourself, it would be appreciated." Nathan held back his grin as he stood. Ezra was almost salivating at the offer.

"Was just thinking it needed refreshing. Been starring at this damned screen too long."

He topped off his own cup, then fixed Ezra's. Vin had picked up some of the fancy flavoured cream that Ezra treated himself to in order to make the office coffee "palatable". He hoped it would disguise the fact they were giving him decaf, but knowing Ezra's discerning tastes, he doubted it.

"You feel like eating?" he asked as he set the mug down.

Ezra grinned at the logo – " _I'm the boss - that's why_ " before shaking his head. "Perhaps a bit later. I believe the medications are dampening that desire." He took a sip and did his best to refrain from reacting. "What task has your attention this morning? Surely there is nothing that pressing that it must be done on Christmas Eve?"

"This does. Trying to book a vacation away with Rain. She just got her request approved to be off New Year's Eve and day, so I am looking to fit something in. I'd hoped for something special, but last minute, fancy and affordable for those dates just won't work together."

Leaning back and hiding the accompanying grimace, Ezra took another sip of the brew. Calling it coffee was a lie he wasn't willing to express.

"Might I ask what destination you have in mind?"

Nathan hesitated for a moment, although he wasn't really sure why. "It's a toss-up. Hawaii or San Francisco." He sighed, pushing himself back from the table and locking his fingers behind his neck, staring at the screen in frustration. "But at this rate, I don't think I could afford Boulder."

Ezra maneuvered slowly until he was able to pull the cell phone from his pocket. Finding what he was looking for took considerably longer than expected, even allowing for what he saw as comparatively adept use of his left hand. He could both shoot and deal cards ambidextrously, but he was discovering that typing was another matter. Eventually, he was able to tap on send, and a moment later a soft chime came from Nathan's laptop.

"What's this?"

"It is a travel club I am a member of. Well, technically my mother is a member of. The link provided is for a hotel in San Francisco."

Nathan clicked on the page and let out a low whistle. "You gotta be kidding me? I couldn't afford dinner here. Hell, I couldn't do drinks here. The room may be available, but not for me."

"Your only expense would be transportation, and I have a travel agent who can assist with that. The room is already paid for as part of the club package. I have a fixed number of bookings I can make and must use them by year end. Wasting them would incur mother's ire, which is something I try to avoid whenever possible. Her temper can rival Mr. Larabee's, but with far less moral conscience to restrict her retribution. As I clearly cannot travel, someone should get the benefit of the offer."

He didn't want to be suspicious of the offer, but couldn't get past the notion that if something sounded too good to be true…

"I assure you Mr. Jackson, it is all completely above reproach. While it is far too late in the game for me to worry about my own reputation, I would do nothing that might compromise yours. Take the offer or not. It is your decision." He closed his eyes and settled back, sending the clear message the discussion was over, and leaving Nathan convinced he'd blown an opportunity to bring Ezra further into the team.

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

Chris wasn't surprised by the noise level in the office. Even at the ATF, December 24th offered the opportunity for things to become a little less structured than usual. Judge Travis was hardly a stickler for nose to the grindstone mentality in the first place. He'd learned long ago to trust his people to do their jobs and had proven that a happy workplace was a productive workplace. So the fact that most people were in the boardroom or lunchroom instead of at their own desks today was to be expected. What wasn't expected, based on past years, was the spread of food.

Every surface seemed to be hidden under an array of pastries, fruit trays and assorted nibbles. Several punch bowls, which given the hour and the location Chris assumed were filled with fruit drinks, were being rapidly depleted.

"Travis went overboard this year," Vin noted, reaching for a particularly sugary concoction. Chris's teeth hurt just looking at it.

"Definitely a step up from donuts and coffee", Buck added.

"Never heard any complaints about that before." Travis's quiet voice from behind nearly had Buck jumping out of his skin.

"No, sir. Plenty good enough in the past, and appreciated."

Travis grinned at the blustering, letting Buck relax.

"What made this year so special?" Chris was as curious as any of them about the upgrade.

"Well, I could say it's because we've had an even better arrest and conviction rate than usual, with a few nice high-profile raids in this last quarter, but truth is, I had nothing to do with this."

Vin looked at the Danish in his hand with suspicion. "You do know where it all came from though, right?"

"Truck from Jamieson's Catering pulled up and unloaded. There's smaller spread up at my office area and in the clerk's section as well."

"Don't think the business involved was his concern." Buck hoped he was keeping his tone civil.

"Yes, I know the source. It was cleared through my office a couple of weeks ago actually. And before you ask, don't bother. The individual requested anonymity."

Chris's radar was going off. "Any particular reason for that?"

"Yes. Privacy. I don't think it was the right call, but I understand the reasoning. Damn shame about that. Deserves the credit and appreciation but isn't the kind to accept it. I trust you aren't questioning my judgement on the matter."

Allowing his natural cynicism to fade, Chris shook his head. "No, of course not. Guess my holiday spirit needs a bit of a boost."

"Try the egg nog. I guarantee it will help."

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

"Did the ladies get on the train ok?"

Buck's question interrupted JD's wistful gazing out the back-patio door. He'd changed his mind at the last minute and given Casey her present at the station. Her reaction of wonder and joy thrilled him, but now only made her absence seem worse. He knew he was being selfish but didn't really care.

"Yeah, they're on the way. Vin and I will pick them up Wednesday night."

"Feels like a year, not just a couple of days, don't it?"

He looked up, surprised. JD had always assumed Buck didn't have a romantic side to his nature, based in large part to his almost pathological avoidance of commitment.

Reading his thought's Buck grinned at the young man. "Just 'cause I haven't found her, don't mean I ain't looking kid."

"So, did she like the necklace?" Buck had been forced to look at it a dozen or more times as JD continued to doubt his selection. Seeing the broad smile that lit up JDs face now, he got his answer.

"Loved it. Said it was the perfect choice. I think she wonders how I came up with the idea. I told her I was inspired." He looked to where Ezra sat, eyes glued to the book he was reading, apparently oblivious to the conversation around him. He took satisfaction in seeing the briefest smile pass over his gift-mentor's face before the neutral gaze returned.

"Are we eating tonight, or not?" Buck turned his attention to the more pressing matter of dinner, having seen the fleeting interaction between his two co-workers and quickly concluding it was none of his business.

"When Josiah gets here." Chris gave the same response he'd said each time the demand was made.

"Ah hell, he won't mind if we start without him."

Vin finished putting plates out on the table. "Probably not, but since he's bringing the food, I think waiting is kind of the only option."

Laughing quietly at the wounded look on Buck's face, Nathan made his way over to Ezra.

"You don't need to instruct me Mr. Jackson. I shall remain seated here and allow one or more of you to wait in me like the invalid I am." He was angry with himself for letting his frustration and bitterness show, but couldn't be bothered with hiding it at this point.

"We've all been there at one time or another Ezra. Why not sit back and enjoy a bit of pampering?"

"If I want to be pampered, I will go to a spa resort, not my bosses' ranch."

Chris winced internally. _Friend's ranch Ezra, When are you going to see that?_

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 _ **tbc**_


	5. Chapter 5

Buck was watching out the window like a kid waiting for Santa's sleigh when he saw Josiah's car turn into the laneway. "He's pulling up. JD, come give us a hand." The two charged out, letting the screen door slam behind them.

Nathan chuckled. "And here I was thinking there weren't going to be any kids around for Christmas."

Chris turned away before anyone could see the flash of pain cross his face. Or so he thought. "Damn it, Chris, sorry. Wasn't thinking."

He smiled warmly to ease everyone's discomfort. "Don't worry Nathan. You're right. With those two around there is no worry about being kept entertained."

Marvelling at the simple byplay that he'd seen, Ezra wondered what it was like to be surrounded by people you were that comfortable and forgiving with. He couldn't even have imagined the concept existed prior to meeting these men.

"Ok folks. Dinner will be set in just a couple minutes." Buck started to set everything up. "We've got deli, pizza, Chinese and burgers."

With an exaggerated sigh, Nathan raised his standard objection. "Is there anything here remotely healthy?"

"I certainly hope not." Josiah countered with his standard reply, before placing a tray of veggies and dip beside a tossed salad, grinning mischievously.

"Looks like we have even more children than you thought Nathan." Chris moved towards the plates, shaking his head in amusement.

JD started to load a plate, pausing when he recalled the situation. "What can I fix for you Ezra? A bit of everything?"

"Thank you. No." He was about to continue his dismissal of dinner when he noted the stares. A lecture, or probably several, would follow if he didn't partake. He thought over the options. "I believe I could handle a sandwich with my left hand, thank you."

"How 'bout a small slice Ez?" Buck offered.

"I don't think the grease would go very well with the medications Mr. Wilmington, so I shall pass."

Nathan reached into one of the boxes and added a small piece to Ezra's plate. "Vegetarian," he explained to Ezra before glancing at their 'caterer'. "Thanks for remembering, Josiah."

Vin put a couple of spring rolls beside the sandwich. "These will be easy to do with one hand." JD carried the loaded plate over and set it on the small end table. "Ginger ale?"

Ezra just nodded, rendered almost speechless by the attentiveness. It took only a minute for everyone to load their own platters high and take their seats. Buck had his first slice halfway to his mouth when Josiah spoke.

"I know you don't all normally say Grace before a meal. Neither do I. But I was thinking tonight, maybe we could just take a minute to, I don't, maybe count our blessings." He paused, watching for reactions to the idea. When the others set their plates back down, Buck gazed wistfully at the pizza before following suit.

"Wonderful. Well, since it was my idea, I suppose I should start. I feel blessed to have found a family that can allow me to move beyond what I used to think that word meant. Who support, encourage and, more often than not, tolerate me, and my occasionally offbeat ideas."

"Like this one?" Buck smiled wryly.

"Precisely!"

"Since you're so chatty tonight Buck – you're next."

"Ok cowboy. Well, I guess I was blessed to find a roommate who can put up with my strange hours and messy housekeeping."

"You call that housekeeping?" JD asked in mock horror.

"And," Buck continued, "who makes sure I take care of myself by doing silly things like making sure I get home safe from the bar, or even just buying me vitamins."

JD blushed. "Well, you need something to make sure that animal magnetism of yours doesn't fade away."

That was the first time Ezra could recall the young man not teasing his friend by referring to it as 'maggotism'.

"Well, guess that kind of makes it my turn." JD continued. "I was always kinda jealous of the kids around me growing up. Seemed like everyone had at least one sibling to hang out with or get into trouble with. So I figure I've finally been blessed to have a whole bunch of big brothers now."

"Including one who's pretty good at getting you into trouble." Chris sent a mock glare at Buck, who put on his best 'who me?' face.

Vin spoke before that discussion could get started. "I'm kind of in the same boat as JD. Not really much family when I was a kid, although I did encounter a few cousins and the like when I was on my own. Still, I'd have to say being a part of something like this, something as special as this team is my blessing. Having somewhere I belong."

Nathan cleared his throat. "I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life. I liked medicine, but contrary to what you all might think, never really had the patience to go through the years it would take to be a doctor. Not to mention the cost. I wanted to do something positive though. Something that would make my family, including any kids I might someday have, be proud of me. Thanks to lucking into this bunch, I've found the best of all of that."

"It doesn't take too much imagination for you all to figure what I'm gonna say, but I'm going to say it anyway." Chris was even quieter than usual. "Wasn't all that long ago I didn't see much point in going on. Period. Lucky for me, Buck didn't agree, and kicked my ass until I started to come around. That alone is a decent answer to this, but it isn't enough. This ragtag bunch of people who didn't quite seem to fit in anywhere else fit perfectly on Team 7. There's a saying about the whole being greater than the parts. Well, these are damned fine parts, so the whole is nothing short of magnificent. Not sure that I deserve having you all as friends, but I'm blessed that I got ya. All six of you."

Ezra was silent as the last comment registered. Six? He fit into that claim? No, that was just Chris being polite. The sentiment of the season. He looked up when the room was silent, abruptly realizing they were waiting for him. He'd been so drawn in by their comments he hadn't given any thought to what he would say. The brutal, cynical comments that surfaced were proving to be radically inappropriate.

"I shan't bore you with tales of my past that have brought me to this point. Suffice to say they are better suited to a less festive event. I concede to rarely seeing my life as blessed, given a strong suspicion that forces on the other side of that debate tend to have far more influence over me. All that aside, and in the spirit of the evening, I would say that it has been a blessing to find a group of honourable and decent men willing to allow me to associate myself with their team."

He knew he shouldn't react. That even that much of an admission had been a struggle for Ezra. But Buck couldn't help himself. " _'Associate myself with their team_ '? Don't you get how wrong that is. You don't associate with it Ezra, you're a part of it."

"Yeah," JD sided with his roommate. "And it's not their team – it's our team, as in including you."

"Unless that's not what you want." Josiah added quietly, worried they were overwhelming him.

"My wants or desires seldom factor into such matters. This is not the time gentlemen. I think we should focus on enjoying our meal, given how long Mr. Wilmington has been anticipating it."

About to object to being used as an excuse, Buck saw the cautionary look from Chris and held his comments. There were several minutes with the only sounds being those related to 7 men enjoying dinner. Eventually, Buck was satisfied enough to slow the pace to where he could speak. "So, what kept you Josiah? Figured it was going to be Christmas by the time we got to have dinner."

"My apologies Buck. An unforeseen miracle came our way at the shelter."

"If you're gonna tell us a pregnant lady came looking for a place to sleep – we've heard the story."

"Different miracle Vin. This was closer to the loaves and fishes."

Taking a moment to interpret that, Nathan was the first to reach a conclusion. "You mean you got more food than you needed?"

"No such thing there as more than we need, but definitely more than expected. We were just about done with set up when a van pulled up with a delivery. Pastries, desserts, sandwiches and enough juices to sink a ship."

"Wow – awesome!"

"Indeed JD, that covers it. I only wish I knew who to thank."

"Anonymous?" Chris questioned, a distinct sense of déjà vu settling in.

"Yup. Reliable caterers though, so I'm not worried. Just sorry I can't acknowledge the benefactor."

Vin was catching on and exchanged a look with Chris before directing his attention back to Josiah. "Let me guess. Jamieson Catering."

"How'd you know?"

"'Cause it sounds like the spread that was delivered – anonymously – to the office. Travis vouched for it."

Nathan looked up. "You figure he did this?"

"No. He seemed adamant in making sure we knew it was someone else. Someone unexpected." Chris paused. "You're quiet on this Ezra. Anything you want to say?"

"You are aware of my opinion on gratuitous demonstrations of this sort. Everyone has an agenda, for whatever they do. I am sure this so-called benefactor is no different."

"It's anonymous Ezra. How does he benefit from that?" Buck asked.

"Other than the personal sense of satisfaction." Josiah interjected.

"If he cannot benefit, then he is a fool, and we should waste no more of our time on the matter." He kept his gaze down toward his plate, silently willing the conversation to move to other matters. Vin was ready to comment further, having mentally confirmed his conclusion, when he saw how uncomfortable Ezra was. Vowing to himself to get into this later, he agreed to let it drop for the moment, and changed the subject.

Conversation was light-hearted as the evening progressed, and a few beers and beverages served well to mellow everyone. Not surprisingly, it was Nathan who noticed Ezra's early fatigue, and it took remarkably little encouragement to convince him to retire early. He shrugged off assistance as he slowly made his way to his room. Once there, he dropped all pretense and practically dropped onto the bed. Even that simple task felt monumental. He sat perched on the edge, catching his breath and trying with limited success to force himself to relax. He ached everywhere. The walk had done him no favour, but he refused to be carried around. Likewise, his wrist ached deeply, and the weight of the cast pulled on him, despite the sling.

He had to admit that the meal had been satisfying, even if his stomach was someone less than settled at the moment. He didn't expect the upset to be too problematic. But the evening had been far too tiring. Not just the act of making the mealtime seem normal, but the subterfuge was far more strain than such an action usually was for him.

He knew Travis would honour his request for secrecy regarding the office treats, so he wasn't concerned when he'd learned half the team had gone into work. But he hadn't counted on Josiah being at the shelter today when that order was delivered. He should have been more cautious. Or, a smarter move would have been to abandon the foolish tradition altogether. He allowed a ghost of a smile to surface. That wouldn't do. He had few fond memories of his childhood, but one was helping his great-aunt Scarlett deliver food baskets on Christmas Eve. His mother had been contemptuous and dismissive of the act, but he had found it to be an uncommonly satisfying experience. When he received word of her passing a decade ago, he made a vow that her spirit of generosity would not die with her. He didn't doubt the patronizing laughter such sentimental action on his part would inspire from the others if they were to know the story.

Wearily, he leaned forward to pull off his shoes, straightening again when dizziness threatened to overtake him. He toed them off instead, certain that the excellent construction could handle the minor abuse. He twisted far enough to be able to stretch out, using his good arm to snare the blanket at the foot of the bed. it took an unnatural amount of fussing about, but he managed eventually to more or less get himself covered, and he let his head settle into the pillows. The conversation droned on from the other end of the house, but he was asleep before he could even contemplate trying to monitor it.

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 _ **tbc**_


	6. Chapter 6

"I take it," Josiah spoke in a voice far more subdued than was his norm, "that you have surmised our now absent colleague is the source of the generous donation to the shelter." He accurately gauged Chris's reaction. "You were hardly subtle. It is a testament to how exhausted Ezra is that he failed to recognize your awareness."

"Same caterer for office and shelter, with the same conditions. Makes a weird kind of sense."

"Not to me it doesn't." Buck disputed.

"Wait – you're saying he was behind both deliveries? Why?"

Chris glared at JD. "Lower your voice. Why'd he do it, or why the secret?"

"Both. Either."

"For motive, I'd guess just because it's Christmas, which I'd say might mean a bit more to him than he lets on." Vin answered before Chris could come up with a theory. "Maybe even more than he gets himself."

Buck agreed. "And I'd bet it's that damned reputation of his that makes him keep stuff secret."

"If you don't let down the walls, no one can get in." Josiah added.

"Well, I've got an idea on that, but you all need to be on board with it for the plan to work." Chris looked at the willing faces. "If it works, it will pretty much cement his as part of the team."

"Well it would be about damn time. What have you got in mind Pard?"

7-7-7-7-7-7-7

He watched out the window, waiting for most of the team to come in from the stable. Nathan and Josiah were fixing a simple but massive Christmas brunch for everyone. Ezra could smell coffee and bacon and listened to the two men joking comfortably over the merits of each other's cooking talents. He quietly cursed the injuries that kept him from joining in before conceding that even without the restrictions, he wouldn't have been in there with them.

In fact, without the injuries, he wouldn't even have been at the ranch. He'd be at home, sleeping in. When he rose it would have been a soft-boiled egg with toast for breakfast, after which he would have settle into his favourite (only) chair, putting his feet up and enjoying as good book. He likely would have been drunk by noon. 1:00 at the latest.

His ruminations were cut short by the cacophonous sounds of the other four men returning, playfully shoving and arguing.

"In a beauty contest Lady would win hands down JD."

"Well, since you got the only mare in the group, she'd have no competition."

"She's got no completion 'cause none of them could compete."

Chris just shook his head, wondering how those two ever managed to pass the psychological testing confirming they were mature enough to join the ATF.

"Well, for following orders, Pony wins." Vin offered.

The conversation was loud enough that Nathan could respond from the kitchen. "If you had Chris on your back, you'd follow orders too."

"Nope." JD laughed. "Chris is always on our backs, and none of us follow them."

"Couldn't have said it better myself, though I have tried a few times." Chris headed to the table. "That grub smells almost good enough to eat."

"Five minutes – everybody go wash up,"

The quartet grumbled, still joking. "Chaucer wins for headstrong."

"Hell kid, that isn't even up for debate. How did you end up with such a stubborn critter Chris?"

"He was part of a package deal. Too beautiful to pass up, but too stubborn to ever be able to use to advantage."

He's not stubborn, Ezra thought to himself. Merely particular about what he chooses to do, and who he chooses to do it for. That makes him selective and discerning, not stubborn. Well, perhaps wilful.

The morning meal was fairly quiet as they all enjoyed the spread before heading to the family room to watch some college football. Buck had been planning on that anyway, but decided it was more enjoyable with the others than the peaceful afternoon he would have had at home. Not that his original plan had been quiet so calm.

 _Ezra wandered into the bullpen, decidedly curious about the mumbling he could hear. As he suspected, Buck sat alone at his desk, thumbing through a well worn and tattered small note book. Pieces of paper and business cards stuck out at the edges._

 _"_ _You are aware Mr. Wilmington that there are a wide variety of options on line that would allow you to keep a more organized and much tidier record of your – companions."_

 _"_ _Like the tradition of my Little Black Book. Classic, like me."_

 _"_ _You seem to be perplexed."_

 _"_ _Well, I have a tough decision here. How do I pick just one of these lovely ladies to benefit from the pleasure of my company for Christmas?"_

 _"_ _Out of a sense of morbid curiosity Mr. Wilmington I must ask – do you purchase gifts for all of these women at this time of year?"_

 _Buck looked surprised at the question. "Course I do. It would be rude to leave any of them feeling unappreciated."_

 _"_ _And the FBI wondered about my spending habits." Ezra mumbled softly to himself. Buck didn't seem to have heard the aside._

 _"_ _I found this jewelry site on-line where I can do bulk buying. Found a nice locket they're all gonna get. You can put those oils in it and it smells nice."_

 _Ezra shook his head, laughing softly in awe and wonderment. "Have you ever considered how you will handle the situation in the event any of these ladies discovers the existence of the others?"_

 _"_ _I don't lie to them Ezra. Not one of the darlin's thinks she is the only filly in Buck's corral. I wouldn't do that."_

 _"_ _Of course not. My apologies. You are a man of honour and character, and I should never have intended to imply otherwise. I am assuredly in no position to pass judgment on the actions of others."_

 _Buck frowned slightly. "What that supposed to mean Ezra - about judging others?"_

 _Ignoring the question, Ezra turned the conversation back to Buck's dilemma. "I would think the solution to not disappointing any of them would be to make it clear to all that you will not be favouring any with you company. None will feel slighted provided they now the are not being relegated to the sidelines."_

 _"_ _That's brilliant. I can spend the day watching the ballgames and resting up for New Year's Eve."_

 _"_ _Ah, for that decision I will leave you to you own devices sir."_

He'd have to find a way to let Ezra know how much that solution had simplified his life. Maybe he could even coax some advice abut New Year's if he asked just right.

The only interruption to the afternoon had been a phone call. They all tensed slightly, expecting it to be work. Buck was the only one to recognize the name when Chris spoke the caller's name.

"That's Sarah's sister." He tried to keep his tone relaxed when he explained to the others that Chris hadn't had much contact with her in recent years, believing they blamed him for her death. His concern eased when Chris rejoined them a few minutes later, a sense of calm to him that everyone could feel. "Jenny was calling to invite me for New Year's dinner with the family."

Buck smiled. "That's great – you're going – right?"

"Not sure I'm ready for that, but suggested she bring the kids out here while they're on school break and I could take them riding. Thought maybe a few of you could lend a hand."

"Count me in." Vin didn't know all the history there, but could tell this was important, and was pleased to help. The others voiced there agreement as quickly.

"I fear the best assistance I could be would simply be in staying out of the way. With luck, I will be home by the time this reunion occurs."

"I was kind of hoping you could turn on that southern charm of yours to keep the adults entertained Ezra. Might still be a bit awkward, and you do have a way for smoothing out those situations."

Ezra couldn't deny it. "Yes, I have had a great deal of experience at calming rough waters and creating the perception that I have the afore mentioned charm. I will be happy to use me gift of obfuscation to assist."

For a moment, Chris debated about challenging Ezra before deciding this wasn't the opening he needed. The others followed his lead, and let the conversation die out.

Even the diehard fans grew a bit weary as one game rolled into the next. Eventually the set was muted, and conversation began. It didn't take too long to see who was staying silent, probably plotting a way to escape the team activity. That was all Chris needed to see to start his plan in motion.

"What I don't understand Ezra is why you keep making gestures that say you want to be friends – be part of this – and then shut us down when we try to reciprocate."

Startled by the sudden turn of the discussion placing him in the spotlight, Ezra stammered slightly when he replied. "I - I have made no such gestures."

"No? What about the advice you gave me about what to give, and what NOT to give Casey for Christmas?"

"You asked a question, which I answered."

"More to it than that Ezra, and I think you know that."

"Gave me good advice on how to spend my day without alienating any of my lady friends too Ez. That was appreciated by all parties."

Not giving Ezra a chance to dismiss the comment, Chris continued. "You didn't just answer something for me Ezra. You came looking to help. Not too many folks willing to walk into the lion's den the way you did."

"Same for me Ezra." Vin didn't bother with the details. "And you were pretty good at figuring out what Josiah needed as well."

"Saved my ass with Rain, even though I didn't have the decency to accept your gesture with the same openness you offered it. And I am sorry for that."

Ezra was feeling pinned. He didn't recall a previous experience when so many people were trying to convince him of something he simply didn't accept. "Those, all of those, were merely a matter of being in the opportune position to share my knowledge, experience or simple material goods. I fail to see what that has to do with friendship."

"Uh, Ezra. That's all kind of a big part of the definition of friendship." JD couldn't fathom how the worldly-wise man could fail to see that.

Countless examples of his acts being thrown back in his face over the years leapt to mind, and he did his best to banish the memories. "Not in my experience."

"Ain't you noticed we tend to be a might different from your past experiences?"

"A fact I cannot dispute Mr. Wilmington."

Chris stood. ""Ezra, I - we - don't seem to be able to get it through that rock-solid barrier of yours that we don't care about the rumors or the history or any of the rest of that crap."

"Other than being pissed of t how it makes it so damned hard to reach you." Vin corrected.

Deciding the only way to proceed was just to take the bull by the horns, Chris walked over to the table where a plain white envelope sat. His hand hovered over it for a moment. He had no qualms about the offer he was about to make, save one. If it was rejected, or misinterpreted, it might be the first step in Ezra's departure, instead of being the bond that would make everything coalesce. He picked it up and walked back.

"We don't do Christmas presents with each other. Maybe a gag or two, but nothing real. So this ain't that. We took a vote last night on this and it was unanimous. You accept, it means you take on more responsibility with us. Basically it's gonna mean you are linked in and walking away isn't an option."

Ezra reached out with his left hand, hoping they would either not notice the small tremble, or assign it to fatigue. It wasn't sealed, so removing the folded sheets was easy. Opening them was a bit more of a challenge, but they waited patiently. Ezra's jaw dropped as he scanned the sheets, reviewing them a second time before looking up. "Are you insane?"

Chris grinned. "Surprisingly, you are not the first person to ask me that. And the answer is – maybe. So, do you accept?"

"You cannot just give me Chaucer."

"Sure I can."

"Now," Vin spoke up, "that does mean you'll need to come out here at least once a week, if not more. Chris has got folks who help with feeding and exercising when we're working, but we still all make it out on the weekend for some one-on-one time with our rides."

"Obviously when you're undercover we'll have to lend a hand but seeing as that stubborn cuss seems to hate all of us, that's gonna be your only excuse." Buck didn't waste his energy trying to hide the smile. The look on Ezra's face was beyond entertaining.

"This is," Ezra was at a loss, "beyond comprehension."

"It's what friends do." Chris answered quietly, almost afraid of spooking him.

He starred, trying to deduce what the ulterior motive was. What hidden price was attached to this astonishing offer. And slowly, it dawned on him. There was none. For what was quite possibly the first time in his life, he was faced with a situation that was exactly what it appeared to be. He looked down at the paper again, then at the six faces waiting for the answer. Buck was still grinning, and while Nathan's smile wasn't as broad, the sentiment was the same. JD's anxiousness had him bouncing in his seat. Josiah and Vin both gave him similar looks – as if they knew the answer, but still needed to hear it from him. He landed his final glance on Chris, who showed patience combined with the look that said he already knew he had won. Well, never let it be said that Ezra Standish shied away from a new challenge. However daunting it might be.

"Does this," Ezra hesitated slightly over the one word that was almost foreign in his vocabulary, " _friendship_ extend to caring for Chaucer until this damn cast is removed?"

Chris let loose with an all too rare broad smile. "Pretty sure we can work out a suitable arrangement for one of our own."

M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7-M7

 **The End**

 _I was going to have JD say "God Bless us, every one", but one of the others would have had to slug him for being too corny. So consider it said by me to all of you as thanks for the reviews, support and encouragement._


End file.
